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Its just like you said it would be,

Two against the world baby

Name:
Who cares? Not you...
Birthdate:
4 January 1991
Location:
External Services:
  • batman1223@livejournal.com
  • justagentry AIM status
  • ms.bellatrix
Schools:
I hate peas
Im a natural blonde
I have preppy tendincys
I almost never give my true opnion on things, unless I really like the person in question
Im obsessed with Harry Potter way to much
I love poke'mon and always have/always will
I know lots of people, but that doesnt make them my friends
There Are few I consider my friends
Neopets is awesome in my eyes, i dont care who says what
I hate it when my friends hold me back
Im willing to take full summer school to graduate early
I hate it when my parents try to make my mind about EVERYTHING
Im still in love with Edi and my feelings will never change
Same for Kyle
Rockey Horror Picture show is probably thee greatest thing invented
I love Tim Burton
Im a freak for Miasake films
I dont want anyone to know how smart I truely am. ever.
I hate lables.
And clicks
And social structers alltogether
I have social clausterphobia
I hate social obligations
I DO NOT like answering my phone AT ALL
everytime I hear my phone ring I wanna slam it into the wall
Reality shows kill my brian
I love to watch others struggle
I love to watch as others life get screwed up, only reason I like The OC and Laguna Beach
I hate it when people cant grasph what Im trying to tell them, no matter what I do
I dont like it when people think they're better then me
I love fortune cookies
I love the french speaking language
Cloning facinates me
Children and childbirth is the most beautiful thing ever to me.


They ask me if I regret it. What I’ve done. My past. Half of me wanted to say yes, to agree with them, my life a failure. But I don’t. I shake my head and grin. I’m the one who chose this path to failure, this path of destruction. It was I who turned, hard left to nowhere. I’m the one who took that first drag of a cigarette. My blood splattered life, it was all my fault. I tried to place blame elsewhere, to start over. It never worked. So I left. Disappeared.
But now I’m back. Sitting in this white room, two men across from me. I know my mom is behind that mirror. Blaming herself, crying, trying to become the mother she never was. My “mom” will get the pity she wants. Get the life she pretends to have. And they will take her side. Hooked to machines and tubes in my arms, I don’t lie. I tell them I wanted what I am. People like me, I hate me, I’m a teenage girl. Sixteen years old and they don’t trust me. I should be right on track right? Wrong. But they don’t believe me. They think I want to be perfect, preppy, beautiful, popular. But I think I’m perfect. Don’t we all? Beauty is the blood spilling down my arms and across my chest while I lay in bed. Perfect is each drag of my cigarette, the smoke slowly rolling off of my tongue. Preppy is what I will never ever be. I am me, so they should deal with it.
I tell them this, and they scribble something down. I look at the mirror. I look hard at the spot where I think my mother is and grin while I finish my sentence. They pretend they’re going for coffee. I laugh. Hard. Ridiculous, I tell them. They are ridiculous. I know they’re going to talk to my mom. To tell her I’m insane, uncontrollable. A woman enters after they leave. I cannot see her, but I know it’s a woman. She leaves the room two minutes later, sobbing. I giggle when the men enter again. Couldn’t help me could she? I ask them. They sigh, and sit again in their places. Again with the questions, again with the tests. Control me! I tell them. It’s their turn to laugh now, but they don’t. Isn’t everyone’s humor as mine? I guess not.
Test after test after test, and they still can’t figure out what it is that makes me tick, that makes me, well, me. And I’m still laughing. Drugs? No, never. My mom tells them that I’m “not that kind of girl” Oh but I am mommy, I am. Can’t you see? Can’t you tell? Ever time I scream, and every time I yell, its all for you. I do this for you mommy. But you don’t believe me, they don’t believe me. These men, they get quite sick of my “mind games” Yea, that’s what they call them. Games. But you know they aren’t games mommy, don’t you? You know that its life right here, right now. This aint no game, its life. Through and through. So laugh, don’t cry mommy, laugh. They say it’s a game, so why take me seriously. Then I laugh again. But this time I don’t tell them why. So they write it down again. Pretending they’re going to “tell my mom” but that threat never worked for me. I always say, tell her. But this time I know she’s here. I know she’s watching. It’s a good thing that I’m the only girl in the room, otherwise she’d forget which one I was. Hah my stupid mother. Yup, face the facts; I’m your daughter. This girl sitting here, laughing, staring at you through that mirror, she’s yours. She came from your womb. Don’t believe me? These people like tests, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind doing another.
I wish I could hear your sobs mom, I really do. But when I tell them that they look at me like I’m crazy. But its not the first time they’ve done that tonight. And it probably wont be the last. So I tell them your fake. And there goes that look again. I swear, if I didn’t like it so much I’d probably get sick of it. But I love that look, I crave it. That man across from me, I think he’s starting to get sick of me. He pulls out a cigarette. I didn’t know he smokes, so I tell him that. Then I ask him for one. Now I he laughs. But its not my kind of laugh, it’s the your one crazy fucking kid kinda laugh. So I find my own and take his lighter. If he can smoke so can I. I look at my mother again, while I exhale. Showing her it’s her fault. And I know she’s crying again. And I laugh. My first addiction, maybe that’s what lead to all the others. Those little ones that don’t really matter. My simple cravings. But I think I’m addicted to those too. Now that would scare a normal person, but it doesn’t scare me. Not at all. And I think it scares these people when I tell them. I laugh when I see their faces. I laugh real hard. And then they leave. So I dance a lot and laugh a lot. And stare real hard at my mom. And sing. Loud. I finally sit down when another woman enters, but I don’t think it was the same one. And this time she isn’t gonna leave crying. I decided that at the last minute, right before my mouth opens.
I swear sometimes I just cant control the things that come out, they just sort of do. They tumble out and I add on as they go along. But I don’t mind too much. And I never regret it. But I don’t want to tell her this. She seems unbreakable. But it doesn’t scare me, and I don’t challenge her. She lets me smoke, and she lets me laugh, and she never looked at me like I was crazy. And I wanted her to. Really badly. So I tried. And I tried, but I think that she knew what I wanted, and wouldn’t give it to me. I tell her my dad beat me, and she looks at me real sad like, and leaves. I win. I always win. I tell that to my mother who is still crying, I hope. I think.
Am I insane? I yell. I scream. I hope she hears me. I hope you all hear me.





LiveJournal
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batman1223
User Number: NO
Date Created:long ago
Number of Posts: tons

Ashley is a wild and crazy vegitarian
she likes conserts, moshing, and heavy metal.
Ashley and Leo harvest duct tape and talk non stop
Leo is her best friend

Ashleys boyfriend is Taran
he claims he loves her
She loves him
very much ♥
Strengths: Duct tape, rock and roll
Ciggerettes
Burping
Weaknesses: Food, chocolate, cigerettes.
Younger sibblings
Whispering
Special Skills: Putting her boyfriend in detention
Dont step out of line around her
If your bad, you get put in detention
Ashley Comes Armed With:
ninja skills
ninja stars
Duct Tape of DOOOM
Magic Markers
Devine: Everything


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LiveJournal
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non_existant
User Number: why?
Date Created:long ago
Number of Posts: 0

This is Leo
He is the greatest drummer ever, you all should bow to his greatness.... that and he holds the world together
this is ashleys bestest friend
Leo likes Dancings, laughing, and NOT doing drugs... he lives in Skank Hell and hates it. He'd like to visit ashley tho, becuase he loves her that much.
Strengths: Talking, dancing, duct tape, drumming
Weaknesses: Ashley, duct tape, holding the world together
Special Skills: Leo holds the world together, and plays drums like a mad man
Weapons: His mighty drumming skills, duct tape
Divine: Loved


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